The Hangovers: Worst. Nights. Ever.
The New Year often starts with a handful of resolutions which we seldom keep. And, with the company I keep, the resolutions I hear pour forward usually involve less drinking, less partying, less late nights, less indulgence and all those wonderful things that are so easy to do in the Castro and surrounding areas.
Most "worst night ever" experiences seem to have roots in the Castro. Justin O’Neil, a long time Cheer SF member and aspiring stand up comedian, was poised to celebrate his 30th birthday party starting at Trigger. O’Neil, who is proudly clean and sober now, is one of the few who are not shy about their past.
"I got filthy drunk the night before, made some bad decisions and wound up getting high on drugs, went to two all-night sex parties and took Viagra, which I had an allergic reaction to," explains O’Neil.
With "allergic reaction" in tow, i.e. a never-ending boner in his pants, O’Neil continued on to his birthday gathering at Trigger, Badlands and a slew of neighborhood venues, where neither the partying with his friends nor the party in his pants would let up anytime soon.
"I ultimately blacked out, woke up with a stranger in my bed and still high, and still with a boner," exclaims O’Neil. "I had to go to the hospital to have my dick drained and face the worst humiliation of my life."
How did I get home? It was all a blur...
Justin is also a veteran of the restaurant and bar business and recalls a recent customer who drank a little too much through the course of her evening.
"Eventually, the woman went from zero to obliterated in about five seconds and passed out on her boyfriend. I dropped the check, telling the guy that he had to get her out of there. At that moment, Sleeping Beauty decided to wake up, look me dead in the eye, say ’I’m sorry.’ She then threw up all over the banquet and table."
Of course, Justin was the one who had to clean everything up, but he says while he was gagging, that wasn’t what bothered him the most. "I’m the oldest of four. It takes more than that to fully gross me out. What bothered me the most was that the cheap fuck left such a piss poor tip; ten percent!" Clearly, it was not a good night for anybody involved.
"I love you. What’s your name again?"
Yours truly once had a date with someone who couldn’t hold their booze in, either. Well, it wasn’t a date as much as a dance floor meeting turned cab ride back to his place in the Bayview. I was new to the city, didn’t know many people and certainly didn’t know where the Bayview was. It was so long ago that there was no Grindr, (gasp!) no Adam4Adam, no Iphone maps. All I had was Badlands and my bad decisions.
After our cab ride to the unknown, I found myself on a dark street, entering a narrow loft apartment and my ’date’ running straight to the bathroom where he proceeded to throw up. Not sure where I was or what to do, I was about to exit before he came out and tried to make out with me. While I was honored that someone was that into me, I didn’t have to do much to decline his stinky-mouthed invitation to tonsil-box, as he soon ran back to the bathroom to spew once more. Here’s the problem, I hop into a cab, flee the unfamiliar territory, arrive curbside at my apartment and dig into my pocket to determine that my wallet and keys were sitting on his couch.
"I felt so naked...because I was."
A gentleman who would like to be referred to as "Ed" once spent New Years morning navigating the streets of San Francisco in what may have looked like a Baby New Year costume. After some time in the Castro, Ed decided to hit up a South of Market club where the dress code is no dress at all.
After an evening of partying and letting loose, when Ed returned to his locker, he painfully realizes that his clothes and belongings were not there.
"I left in the few white towels they could spare, walking home in the rain at four in the morning." ’
Having your belongings stolen and traipsing through your neighborhood practically naked is certainly embarrassing, but even more so with this admission from Ed: "I had mistakenly put my clothes in another locker and took the wrong key. They were there the whole time!"
Let’s face it. At some point, We’ve all indulged a little more then we should have and chances are it will happen again. If you’ve taken anything away from this article, it should be that we’re all the same. We all get in a little over our heads every once in a while and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
Oh, and if you ever strip naked and put your clothes in a locker somewhere, you should most definitely write the locker number on your hand.