How To Be
Even the Independent Film Channel can’t resist Twilight fandom. There’s no other explanation for their support of How to Be, a slight British indie starring a pre-vampire Robert Pattinson. The movie has played the festival circuit for the past year, riding the coattails of its star’s unexpected new fame, before finally getting a direct-to-DVD release in the States. It’s telling they didn’t even try for a limited theatrical release like Little Ashes, another pre-vampire Pattinson starrer. That’s because there’s no making nice about it: How to Be is a horrible movie that feels like it’s three hours long, despite clocking in at a tidy 85 minutes.
Amanda Bell from Examiner.com describes Pattinson’s character best in a quote from the back of the film’s DVD box: "[He] becomes someone you want to just reach out and hug!" That’s about all that can be said for Art, a sullen musician experiencing a quarter-life crisis. Art feels frustrated and unhappy about everything, so he hires self-help guru Dr. Levi Ellington (Powell Jones) to follow him around and improve his life. Michael Irving and Rebecca Pidgeon play Art’s comically cold and distant parents in thankless roles.
Despite the sad-sounding premise, the whole thing’s supposed to be a comedy, although the film’s idea of a joke is to set up an awkward situation and then have Dr. Ellington creepily pop up out of nowhere. He’s like Robert Blake from Lost Highway playing Agent 13 from Get Smart. Pattinson mostly makes crazy eyes at the camera and plays with his hair.
The young actor wrote and performed the songs Art plays throughout the film. The songs are fine--if you can hear them. Whether it’s the DVD transfer or the sound mix of the original film itself, large portions of the movie are nearly impossible to comprehend. The soundtrack is way too loud, and the dialogue is way too quiet. Add in the British accents and a lot of angsty mumbling, and you get a thoroughly confusing experience. I actually turned the English subtitles on halfway through.
Pattinson obsessives will be pleased to know there’s a wealth of special features, including an interview with the star, as well as his original 8-minute screen test. (If you can make it all the way through the latter without dying of boredom, then you’re truly devoted.) Two making-of featurettes with extended scenes round out the disc.
How to Be will amount to a tiny footnote in Pattinson’s career. There’s no need to check it out, unless you absolutely feel like you have to. Even then, you might want to reconsider.
Special Features include:
- Interviews
- 8-minute Robert Patinson screen test
- Making-of featurettes
