Why Bother? Gay Elitism or Fear of Intimacy
Having just completed all my interviews for my upcoming book: "Talk it OUT: No More Gay Shame," one of my last interviewees, Brendan, made what I considered to be of the most significant statements with regard to gay male communication or lack thereof.
Brendan, being young and new to the NYC gay scene, expressed a very blunt view with regards to the selective communication that often occurs with gay men in bars, clubs and gyms throughout the city and, I would expect, the gay world in general.
The specific group of men that tend to display this type of communication, according to Brendan and several others of the men I interviewed, are generally, very attractive gay men who have a very specific category of men that pique their curiosity and gain their attention.
"These guys are always looking for the next, new, shiny object!"
Working in the membership department in one of New York City’s most popular gyms, Brendan has personally witnessed the transformation of men who come to his office excited about joining the gym. Within a very short period of time after building up their bodies to near perfection, they change not only in form but also, in personality from who they originally were.
"They become ’snooty;’ they’re always in competition, even with the next person they meet or encounter!"
When I questioned Brendan further of whether they treated other men as if they were invisible, he was very quick to respond in the affirmative.
"Absolutely! I see men in here actually look through other men when they walk by them as if to say, "Why bother?"
Brendan was not alone in his comments of invisibility but, his boss Jesse, the manager of this particular gym and an older and powerfully built man, went even further than the dismissive behavior of avoiding others.