EDGE San Francisco

Is football hottie Tim Tebow a big old fag? He sure looks like one in the commercial he made for the Superbowl. But first, let’s go to Jamaica.

A while ago, I wrote an article about singer Buju Banton, a Gay-hating fool if ever there was one, and the reluctance of some Jamaican dancehall singers to quit calling for violence against LGBTQ people.

There are signs of change for the good in Jamaica. We can speed up that change by refusing to let Jamaican bigots preach their hate in our country. One such bigot is dancehall superstar Capleton, who has songs in his repertoire with lyrics inciting fans to kill Gays in Jamaica and the rest of the Caribbean if they do not conform to his homophobic standards.

Thanks to one of my EDGE readers, I learned that Capleton is scheduled to appear in venues in California, Nevada, and Florida this month. I say we shut his tour down.

When I spoke out against Buju Banton and murder music (the tendency for some Jamaican dancehall musicians to sing lyrics inciting people to shoot, burn, and stab LGBTQ folks), I was accused of attacking Jamaican culture. Well, bitches, here I am. We’ll just see how many hate-comments I’ll get from the ignorant this time around.

Rumor has it homophobia is so bad in some parts of Jamaica that kids are taught not to say the number 2 (related to taking a dump, which is then related to taking it up the ass), back (as in "behind," and once again, taking it up the ass), and fish (Lord knows) for fear that people will think they are homosexuals.

But Jamaica is changing, and it’s due to those brave LGBTQ sisters and brothers who stand up to the bullying, threats, and outright murder they face in their own country. I applaud organizations such as J-FLAG (Jamaican Friends of Lesbians, All-Sexuals, and Gays) and passionate Jamaican performers like spoken-word poet Staceyann Chin. To the two backfish buddies Buju Banton and Capleton and all their ilk, I have a Valentine’s message. I say, from the bottom of my heart, Fuck You And Your Bigoted Supporters.

Stay out of my country, Capleton. And while you’re at it, quit killing your own people. They’re my people too.

And while I’m at it, let me send out a hearty Fuck-You to disgraced Marine Oliver North. When hearing that Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell was on its way out, old Ollie showed his ass once more of Fox News, saying that if The Gays are allowed to openly serve, NAMBLA was next.

If given the chance, I don’t doubt that North would love to burn, shoot, and chop Gays, especially Gay Marines like myself.

OK, Let’s talk Superbowl!

My Kevin and I just so happened to be in a Greek restaurant when the Superbowl started. During that time, we saw a commercial from virulently homophobic Christian organization Focus on the Family that featured quarterback Timmy Tebow and his mother, Pam.

Controversy surrounded this commercial for weeks. The message was supposed to be pro-life, based on a story that Pam Tebow tells about how she was tempted to abort her child but didn’t, and now he’s a star quarterback! CBS accepted this commercial, but rejected a tacky commercial from mancrunch.com, a hook-up site for guys who like guys, in which two male football fans make out after their fingers touch in a chip bowl.

Liberals went insane with what they saw as CBS double standard, in part because some controversy about the facts being presented (Pam said she had been advised to have an abortion while in the Philippines, a country where abortion was and is illegal). So Focus on the Family modified the narrative. Instead, Pam vaguely talks about her miracle baby, and then gets tackled by her miracle son (not so sure how a grown man tackling his middle-aged mother is funny, but Straight humor often escapes me). Timmy then pops up behind Pam like a magical fairy and says, "Whew! Sorry about that, Mom!"

And I do indeed mean he pops up like a fairy. Whoever directed the commercial makes Tim look like he’s trying out for Glee, and not for the role of Straight Football Jock. It is quite literally the gayest superbowl commercial, ever.

In terms of his image as Christian Home-Schooled All-American and potential commentator of Fox, the gayification of Tim Tebow by Focus on the Family is the last thing Tim needs. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, he seems much more attached to his mother than to his father, he says he’s a virgin, and he has posed shirtless in jock gear for GQ Magazine. And is a Born-Again Christian in serious overkill mode who wears Bible citations painted on his face during football games like God’s Own Lady Gaga. And is a darling of the Republican Party base.

If history is any guide, it would be a miracle on the level of raising Lazarus from the dead if Tim Tebow is not a two-fold Born-Again backfish.

Back to that Capleton pill: if you want to contact the people who are bringing him to our shores, here is some info concerning his schedule, courtesy of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD):

2/15: San Diego Sports Arena. Call (619) 224-4171

2/17: Downtown Brewing Company (San Luis Obispo, CA). Call (805) 543-1843 or email info@downtownbrew.com

2/18: Tahoe Biltmore (Crystal Bay, NV). Call (775) 831-0660

2/20 and 2/21: Ragga Muffins Festival February 20 at the Fox Theatre in Oakland, CA and February 21 at the Long Beach Arena in Long Beach, CA. Email info@worldbeatcenter.org, info@raggamuffinsfestival.com, danielle@anotherplanetent.com (Fox Theatre). Long Beach Arena: call (562) 499-7508

2/27: Bayfront Park (Miami, FL). Call (305) 358-7550

While you’re at it, check out Staceyann Chin’s autobiography, The Other Side of Paradise (www.amazon.com/Other-Side-Paradise-Memoir/dp/0743292901), and give a shout to J-FLAG (www.jflag.org) and GLAAD (www.glaad.org).